We're Hiring!

As you may or may not have noticed, Bloody Murder has acquired a new contributor. Her name is Laura, we attended high school together, and she enjoys raving and frequenting rich caucasian men.

Now I realize that some of you may be horrified by this revelation. You may be wondering what would ever possess me to sell out and allow someone else to post on my hallowed digital stomping grounds. In an effort to prevent mutiny, I will endeavor to explain myself. Without further ado, I introduce yet another bulleted list:

1) The Empire must grow!

Some of you may believe I write this blog for personal reasons or sheer bloody mindedness. You could not be more wrong. I write this journal because I desperately desire fame and fortune. In case you hadn't noticed, I was fairly enthusiastic about the idea of obtaining a book contract. I now realize I was being foolish; the only way to make money writing blogs is to grow as quickly as possible, with the goal of SUBJUGATING THE ENTIRE INTERNET! Before you know it, Bloody Murder will insinuate itself into your lifestyle; we will make you lattes, sell you hotdogs on the streets of New York and provide you with low-cost digital cable.

2) I am lazy and not funny

This is the most plausible explanation. I would write more on this subject but I really want to take a nap.

3) I need more Asian readership

Readership means exposure, and exposure means sponsorship. Sadly, my worldview as a white male college student really is not that interesting, and is unlikely to draw advertising megadollars. Laura, however, is Asian. She drinks bubble tea and watches anime. Because of her presence, Bloody Murder is now racially diverse and therefore infinitely more interesting.

I was going to recruit a token black correspondent but I had to settle for David. He's white, but he does hail from Kentucky. He is also harmless and never posts, which is great because I hate sharing the limelight.

Nap time.

Listening to: Black Steel - Tricky