Reinvent Yourself

It took me two years and a small fortune to realize that I have been drowning in a sea of my own neuroses. I am, in effect, the prototypical spoiled white brat. I went to college with no big plan, praying instead for some sort of life-altering epiphany; unfortunately, alcohol, drugs and laziness do not hold the keys to enlightenment. Instead, they serve merely to cripple one's spirit and reframe the world in a thick gray haze (now how was that for a scoop of LiveJournalism?).

I spent the summer on Cape Cod, teaching little kids how to sail Sunfish dinghies. My mother, in one of her pre-packaged Get-Off-Your-Ass speeches, accused me of taking the job to further postpone adulthood. I personally believe, however, that the job may have revitalized me. In the space of one summer, I rediscovered a facet of myself I thought was gone for good.

For one glorious season, I was a leader of men. Little kids wanted to be me; little girls wanted to marry me (I am sure my fellow camp counselors can commiserate on this point). For the first time in years, I was competent and in control. For someone who has been watching his life slowly degenerate into a spectator sport, camp was akin to a rebirth.

I also fell in love this summer. Say all you want about summer flings, but there was something wonderfully different about my feelings for this woman. The games and pain of my last relationship were nowhere to be found. Just seeing her was enough to make me smile, to make me want to be the biggest, best man in the room.

I doubt she will ever call. After all, we only knew each other for three weeks, and nothing truly significant transpired between us. Nevertheless, she made me want to derive meaning from my existence again. In the span of a few weeks, she inspired me to fulfill that over-quoted truism: carpe diem.

I never told her any of this, and I doubt I ever will. Still, wherever you may be, thank you.

Listening to: Common - Be