We Need A Spoiler

I just spent the weekend watching MTV's Pimp My Ride. While obviously it can never supplant Making The Band as "Greatest Reality Show of All Time", I must admit it can qualify as quality programming. It's like "Queer Eye" but for straight guys. Get it? On this note, I would like announce my plan to pimp out my mom's Outback.

First of all, I need neon lights. Lots of neon lights. I want my fellow drivers to have trouble distinguishing between my car and the stop light ahead of them. Secondly, I need spoilers. Yes, I want more than one; I want spoilers stacked on top of spoilers. I want my car to take off every single time I go over seventy.

I also want flames painted on the side of my car. And ridiculously large bumpers that make my station wagon look like some sort of Gran Turismo reject. Dig it?

I want more headlights. I want my car to look like some breed of giant, eight-eyed insect when you view it from the front. I also want a DVD player. And a monitor in my steering wheel so I can watch movies when I am supposed to be driving. In fact, I want the good people of Pimp My Ride to install a Playstation controller on the steering wheel, so that I may indulge in my Madden football addiction while navigating the interstate.

I would also like a disco ball swinging over the back seat, and a water bed in the trunk. I'll need somewhere to put all the fine women I plan to pick up in my pimped up ride, ya heard?

And I'm out like a light.