On the Virtue of Sexual Deviance (Part 2)

Will the madness ever end? That, my friends, is the question. I've combed through miles and miles of code to find you the choicest sexual fetishes infesting the internet (i.e. looked through the Yahoo! Directory for Sexual Fetishes and Fantasies). But it was annoying anyway. And on we go:

8. Sneezing
Sneezefic Archive
Yes, oh yes, people have a fetish for sneezing. Sneezing, as in the violent expulsion of irritants from your nasal passages. It sure is sexy. The really special thing about the above site, is that it's not only about people who get off on sternutation, but also about people who don't exist getting off on sternutation, and then having gay sex:

"ihhhShuhh! hehh-Ihhshoo!" Remus clutched the tissue box as he sniffled and blew his nose. "Doe... sniff, sniff... No, I can also say excuse me."

"Mmm... well excuse me, too." He sat up, throwing back the covers along with him. Ignoring Remus' violent shiver, "because I want dessert and I want it from you." He popped open the container and took out a large strawberry. "Look at it, all ripe and lush, the epitome of sensuality..." He turned it over in mid-air, modeling it for Remus."

I need to go take a cold shower.

Oliver's Thoughts: I think erotic sneezing is really great. There's nothing better than having multiple orgasms every single time you take public transportation during cold season.

14. Underarm Hair
The Temple of Pits
Honestly, I can't imagine anything hotter than a lush, flowing tuft of pubic hair peeking sensuously from a slender arm. Oh God, I cannot go through with this, even in the spirit of levity. Go look at the pictures and make your own judgement; if you start masturbating all I can say is, "As long as you're happy, dude."

Oliver's Thoughts: Disgusting. Truly disgusting. I think we should stop worrying about gay marriage and instead do everything in our power to disallow fetishes like these.

3. Enemas
Your First Enema
...They have their own slang. Enema-fetishists are known as "Klezmos." File that away from when you next go on Jeopardy Wow. Let's start with the definition of an enema. It is a process by which a liquid is inserted into the rectum to clear stools out of the large intestine. That is the definition of sexual fantasy right there. Nothing more romantic than clearing shit out of your lover's colon.

I discovered the great (and disgusting) truth that there were also many women who did NOT like or wish to receive enemas. This was a real blow.

THERE'S A SHOCKER.

Now that I am completely disillusioned, I'm going to end this update to the list and maybe, just maybe, if I can bring myself to find more, I'll catalogue the suckers. Ugh. I feel dirty.

Oliver's Thoughts: It's like playing doctor, except with a sick, jobless 40 year-old man holding the stethoscope. And trying to wash your ass out with salt water.

Listening to: "Playground Love" by AIR