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These days, every single blog worth its salt has some sort of debate drinking game posted. Naturally, as certified trend-whores, we are more than happy to follow in the footsteps of others. Gentlemen, behold my latest creation: the Bloody Murder Inconsequential Debate Drinking Game!

You will consume one sip of beer every single time:

• Bush reminds you of a monkey.
• Kerry jots something down in his Little Black Book.
• Bush talks about winning the war. Bonus sips if he accuses Kerry of flip-flopping in the same breath.
• Kerry accuses the President of being narrow-minded.
• Bush stares off into the distance, clearly wishing Kerry were some kind of marionette Karl Rove could control from behind the curtains.
• Kerry insists there is no connection between Iraq and 9/11, judiciously citing articles and quotes by administration insiders.
• Bush insists that there is a connection, because God has told him it is so.
• Kerry causes a baby to cry.

You will consume two shots of vodka every single time:

• Bush brandishes the still-beating heart of Richard Cheney and asks Kerry if he understands what he's done.
• Kerry promises to reduce the national debt by selling the White House to the Japanese.
• Bush tells us we can't handle the truth.
• Kerry mistakenly delivers half his speech in French.
• Bush predicts seas of fire and the coming of the Antichrist should Kerry be elected.
• Kerry predicts another Civil War if Bush is elected.
• Bush lists the Soviet Union as the fourth member of the Axis of Evil.
• Kerry suggests calming Palestine down with regular candy donations.
• Bush tries to pay off the moderator.
• Kerry starts singing the Marseillaise.

Special Cases:

• The French suddenly invade the country while we are all looking at the debate - down a bottle of Dom.
• The candidates actually disagree on the issue of gay marriage - make out with the nearest member of your sex.
• Dubs mentions abstinence as the best defense against pregnancy - spontaneously have unprotected sex with the person to your right.
• The War on Drugs is actually brought up as an issue - overdose on heroin.
• Bush thanks for the drugs companies for their invaluable service - overdose on Vicodin.
• Kerry mentions the vast number of people who do not benefit from proper health insurance- cackle and sip a large glass of Bourbon while wearing your finest suit.
• Kerry makes a reference to Two Americas - jump up and down while singing Public Enemy and slurping forties.

Enjoy! Happy debating!

Listening to: The End Has No End - The Strokes