Pope Dreams

This just in - it appears there is a new Pope! The cardinals, those crazy guys in red dresses, somehow found someone new to wear that crazy hat. Admittedly, he does get to wear white now, but the Bloody Murder Fashion Police feels that this gain is more than offset by having to integrate that ridiculous cap into his wardrobe.

This is a grand day for Catholicism. The new Pope is expected to be conservative, so there will continue to be little tolerance for gays and women attempting to deliver Mass. Priests still cannot marry, but little boys remain fair game. In short, many of the programs that have worked so well in the past will continue to receive Church support. Why fix what clearly is not working, after all?

In conclusion, John Paul's death has resulted in little to no change, unless you count all those idiots at the lunch table displaying a sudden interest in Catholicism. Las Vegas gives them about a week before they start discussing the NFL Draft yet again.

Listening to: The Sporting Life - The Decemberists

Another Reason Why America Should Pursue an Isolationist Policy

So where are they going to build the Afghanistan memorial? The Gulf War I and II memorials? They've already plopped a great ornate marble abscess between the Washington Monument and the reflecting pool. Destroyed the whole point of the reflecting pool, which now reflects very little.

They're going to have to start demolishing some of the older memorials to make way for all the new wars.

First to go will be all the Smithsonian institutions. They're edjimicational. America don't need no edjimication. America needs patriotism, and complete and utter subservience to the most powerful monkey on a string in the world. America needs to remember all the po' underprivileged 19-year-olds who died for Bush's various groundless violations of state sovereignty or frivolous excursions into urban guerilla warfare.

Listening to: "Eli, the Barrowboy" by The Decemberists