Pope Dreams

This just in - it appears there is a new Pope! The cardinals, those crazy guys in red dresses, somehow found someone new to wear that crazy hat. Admittedly, he does get to wear white now, but the Bloody Murder Fashion Police feels that this gain is more than offset by having to integrate that ridiculous cap into his wardrobe.

This is a grand day for Catholicism. The new Pope is expected to be conservative, so there will continue to be little tolerance for gays and women attempting to deliver Mass. Priests still cannot marry, but little boys remain fair game. In short, many of the programs that have worked so well in the past will continue to receive Church support. Why fix what clearly is not working, after all?

In conclusion, John Paul's death has resulted in little to no change, unless you count all those idiots at the lunch table displaying a sudden interest in Catholicism. Las Vegas gives them about a week before they start discussing the NFL Draft yet again.

Listening to: The Sporting Life - The Decemberists