Fight the Power

There was a time when I thought Michael Moore was the right hand of Vishnu. There was a period when, upon discovering that someone was voting for Bush, I would immediately inspect their scalps for lobotomy scars.

Now, on the eve of my first election, I no longer care. Three days ago, it suddenly dawned on me that, regardless of who we vote for, we are signing up to be dominated by an out-of-touch, incompetent white millionaire who attended Yale. No matter who you choose, you are signing up for four more years of the same bullshit.

Get Out The Vote? Everyone insists you should vote. Why vote, my friend? Fuck the American Democracy. Seriously, fuck it. Vote against this bullshit regime by refusing to cast a ballot. You will not actually accomplish anything and everyone will look down upon you as a non-voting, grass-chewing hippie, but at least you will have done something no one else had the guts to do: tell the system exactly how you feel about it.

I hate to say it, but the worthiest candidate in this election is Ralph Nader; at least he invented seat belts. Furthermore, no one is telling you to vote for him, which earns him a ten million point bonus in my book.

If you really must vote, I suggest you settle it with sports videogames. Put the Celtics against the Spurs, or perhaps the Texans against the Patriots. Whichever state wins is automatically awarded your vote.

Peace and fuck the system.

Listening to: Every Breath You Take - The Police