Profiting from Sexual Frustration

As I was surfing the internet for my usual fix of porn today, I came across something truly shocking and horrifying. No, it wasn't scat. No, it wasn't transsexual furry dolphin porn. It was something much, much worse. Let me break it down for you:

I aspire to be a journalist. Stop laughing. The average entry-level journalist with a bachelor's degree earns $26,000 a year. If I worked for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, with 4 weeks unpaid leave, I would earn roughly $13.54 an hour. In contrast, a New York escort earns $200-$400 an hour.

What does this mean? It means I should drop out of college, take some Pilates classes, get a Brazilian wax, use the $80,000 I would be saving by dropping out of college to invest in some elaborate and uncomfortable lingerie and sign myself up for some good ol' fashioned whorin'. I'd be earning roughly 15x more fucking money (no pun intended) than I would be with my $120,000 liberal arts degree from my overpriced, wannabe-Ivy college.

So what if I have to have sex with a greasy, fat, balding businessman? I would be metaphorically kissing his ass in an entry-level job anyway. I might as well do it for real and earn more money that way.

Listening to: "Rippin Kittin" by Golden Boy feat. Miss Kittin